Wow. Stress stress stress....if there is a good way to relax, I need it right now. I need a good way to relax that doesn't involve oh, time off, fun, money, or illegal drugs. I hope at some point that there's some type of payoff, but the longer I live my life, the less it feels like there will ever be anything but the present.
I was thinking today that, were I to be diagnosed with cancer and given months to live, I would want to write. Not work at some job that isn't my passion just so that I can make a living wage, but to truly write, to sit down and do what all the authors tell you to do and write for at least four hours a day. I want to finish my stories before I die. Even if they're crappy stories that will be forgotten, it will still be better than never having finished. My NS stories are mounting; I have what I call a "pile of words" that's pretty formidable and a direction that I want to get to with her. The Drifters stories are just starting, which is sort of exciting and scary at the same time. I have two more ideas waiting in the wings for research to be done, and somehow the ideas keep coming. I used to be afraid that I would run out. Now I think it's more a matter of staying in shape mentally so that you're open to the ones that come to you.
BTW - the old author's saying about the characters having their own lives and you discovering them through writing - absolutely true. Anyone who can control their characters is writing a boring book.