Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Blogging for Literacy

Hear ye, hear ye, o commentators of the internet. After extensive cries of "First!" "fail" and "ur an idiot" you have been heard. Yes, all your data has been correlated, discombobulated, and regurgitated. Every crappy study you used to verify your pernicious conclusions and to refute other pernicious conclusions have been put into cage matches until one was beaten almost unconscious and given a chair by its manager to come from behind in an underdog upset victory. It's true - we've found the cause of all mankind's troubles - war, disease, poverty, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (or happyness if you're Will Smith).
By your actions on the internet we have determined that it doesn't matter - smart people, dumb people, people who read, people who go on hearsay, and people who lie through their teeth to seem impressive all have the same thing in common - they want to be right. This desire for rightness goes so deep as to ignore other opposing facts, ignore contradictions that exist (but only on the side that one has chosen - please flame the other side about their inherent contradictions) and to drive otherwise caring, average human beings into bloggers. The internet has given the rise that people care what you think, even moreso than being the hot girl who talks too much but guys put up with for the action. Reality - no one cares! In a sphere containing billions of people, your words do not affect their opinions. In fact, if you disagree with them, it will only serve to solidify their offensive against you and get you called Hitler or worse than Hitler. Even in somewhat reasoned exchanges that do not include the word "crap" it's useless to argue on the internet. People are not online to debate and have their mind changed - that's what TV and magazine articles and hearsay from a friend are for. People get on the internet to express their own opinions like firehoses aimed at Victoria Falls. All in all, only a place to pick out what it is that you want to know and disagree with all that does not suit you, just like the buffet at the Sizzler.
So therefore, bloggers, I will continue to blog for literacy, sit around on my couch for fitness in America, and express opinions in the hope that someday we can all just get along on my terms.

(A Modest Proposal, indeed. My modesty knows no bounds!)